Hawaii Surprise: Civil Unions Approved.

Who saw this coming? The path to gay marriage began in Hawaii way back in 1993, with a state Supreme Court decision. Five years later, a popular vote placed a ban on same sex unions. Since then, the supporters of marriage equality have launched repeated attempts to get civil unions approved, but have struggled even to bring it to a vote. A determined push last year fizzled out, and this year looked to be headed the same way - until this week, when a last minute decision on the final day of the session brought success.

Cross fingers now, that the Republican governor does not veto it.

From the Honolulu Advertiser:

Historic civil-unions bill gets House OK

State House lawmakers yesterday approved a bill that would give same-sex and heterosexual couples the ability to enter into civil unions and enjoy the same rights as married couples under state law. The 31-20 vote followed an improbable decision by state House Majority Leader Blake Oshiro, the bill's sponsor, to revive civil unions on the last day of the 60-day session. The House, focusing primarily on the state's budget deficit and concerned about the influence of civil unions on election year politics, had indefinitely postponed action on the bill after it passed the state Senate in January.

Earlier this week, Oshiro said he would not bring back the bill but indicated that others might. He said he decided on Wednesday evening, when it became clear that another lawmaker would try to force a vote, that he should be the one to make the motion.

The bill now goes to Gov. Linda Lingle,  a Republican, who has not said whether she would sign, veto or allow the bill to become law without her signature.

(Read the full report)

Gay Marriage in Church: Iceland Considers.

As marriage equality has spread steadily around the globe, in most countries this has been restricted to civil marriage only: church weddings are excluded. The exception is the Nordic region, where the Swedish government and the Swedish Lutheran Church have both approved same sex weddings in church. In Denmark, where there process is under way to upgrade the present civil unions to full marriage, the Danish Lutheran church is currently considering following in the path already seet by their Swedish Lutheran counterparts. Now it seems that the Icelandic Lutheran church is likewise considering the same decision.

In the Swedish precedent, it was the provision in the law for church wedding that forced the church into serious consideration of the issue: there are strong institutional links between the Swedish state and the Lutheran church (which used to be funded directly by government). Similar circumstances, and similar provisions in the laws proposed by Denmark and Iceland, are the reason the churches in those countries are also having to consider a response. The Swedish solution was to approve gay marriage in church - but to leave an opt-out clause in place that would protect individual pastors, who may decline, in conscience, to officiate.

From Ice News:.

Icelandic church delays decision on gay marriage.

The National Church of Iceland yesterday took no formal position on a current parliamentary bill which would amend marriage laws to include gay couples. The national synod instead voted to refer the matter to the church’s doctrine and rites committee.

The new unified marriage bill being proposed by Iceland’s Minister of Justice and Human Rights could become law as early as 27th June this year and would allow religious groups, including the national church, to legally marry same sex couples. Religious groups are already able to bless registered partnerships which are almost identical to marriage, legally speaking.

Marriage Equality For Finland - but Not Yet.

With marriage equality achieved in Sweden (including church weddings) and in Norway, and on its way in Iceland and Denmark, the puzzle has been - why not also in Finland?

A report in Ice News sheds some light on the issue: it seems that there is overwhelming support among Finnish parliamentarians, including those of the major parties and their leadership. The parties are expected to vote in favour of some gay marriage proposals at their upcoming party congresses. However, it appears there is a parliamentary election coming up, and I suspect this is why nobody is taking the initiative on this just yet.

Expect full marriage and adoption rights for Finland next year rather than this one. That will complete a clean sweep of all five Nordic countries.

From  Ice News:

Regardless of the outcome of next year’s Finnish parliamentary elections, the governing majority is expected to implement a motion in support of gender-neutral marriage and adoption.

A new survey by Helsingin Sanomat revealed that there is little political opposition to the notion of allowing same-sex couples to adopt.

The newspaper study found that the larger political parties held few objections to gay couples adopting, with only the True Finns and Christian League opposing a change in the law. All candidates for the leadership of the governing Centre Party, except for Paavo Vayrynen, were in favour of the idea, and the Social Democrats and the conservative National Coalition were also positive about the concept.

(Read the full report)

Louisana State Rep Proposes a Path to Gay Adoption.

In Louisiana, as in many other states, adoption by same sex couples is not possible, but is not prohibited by state constitutional ban.  Rather, the regulations simply prohibit adoption by any couples not legally married - which thereby excludes gay and lesbian couples as prospective parents, but also excludes unmarried heterosexual couples. (Single people oddly may adopt  -so a gay man qualifies, as long as he applies as a single person). Now, a state rep, Juan La Fonta, has proposed relaxing this restriction.  This will open up a path to gay adoption, but also open up opportunities for other prospective parents. Mr    hopes that by refusing to couch this move purely in terms of "gay" adoption, he will avoid the emotional excesses that have surrounded other moves around marriage and adoption equality. I have no idea what are his chances of success - we can but wait and see.  

  From Nola.com:

Gay couples, others could adopt under Rep. Juan LaFonta's proposed changes

Rep. Juan LaFonta, D-New Orleans, is proposing to expand Louisiana adoption laws with language to recognize as parents both persons in a gay couple. 

But LaFonta is not going directly after the provision of Louisiana law that restricts adoption to married couples or single individuals but not unmarried couples. Instead, House Bill 738 would expand the list of eligible persons to petition for "intrafamily" adoptions, those that involve a second adult becoming a legal parent to a child who already has a legal parent in the same family or household.

He plans to bring the bill to the House Civil Law & Procedure Committee next week.

Current law already allows a step-parent, step-grandparent, great-grandparent, grandparent, aunt, great aunt, uncle, great uncle, sibling, or first, second or third cousin to adopt a child under certain circumstances. LaFonta would add "second parent" to that list, provided "the petitioner is the sole legal parent and agrees to the adoption of the child by a second parent."

As with the rest of Louisiana adoption law, the bill does not mention sexual orientation. Gay residents in Louisiana already adopt, but a gay couple -- or an unmarried heterosexual couple -- must choose just one of the pair to become the legal parent, with the second adult having no legal relationship with the child.

 (Read the full report)

Texas AG Opposing Gay Divorce

The unfortunate counterpart to gay marriage, unfortunately, will sometimes be gay divorce.  With conflicting legal frameworks for the recognition (or otherwise) of same sex marriages around the US and the world, there are bound to be conflicts arising around applications for divorce filed in jurisdictions where same sex marriage is not recognised.  In Texas, alarm bells started ringing for the opponents of marriage equality when judges in Austin and in Dallas separately approved two applications for divorce.  The obvious fear (to our opponents) is that if divorce is recognised, marriage may follow - at least in terms of the law. The problem for them is that in granting the divorce last October, the judge in the case ruled that the state's  ban on gay marriage was in violation of the US constitutional provision for equal protection under the law. If the divorce judgement is allowed to stand, it paves the way for a substantial legal challenge tot he marriage ban. This is why, inevitably, the Texas AG is appealing the judges' decisions. (It is not entirely co-incidental that the man is also up for re-election this fall.) Headlines around the story though, have been misleading, suggesting that (gay) divorce is at present not possible in Texas.  However, unless there are peculiarities in Texas law that I fail to appreciate, that is not correct.  The precedent of two separate judges' rulings is that divorce is indeed possible. It is to change the current position that the AG is appealing, not to protect it.  

From Associated Press:    

Divorce dilemma: Texas says gays can't get divorce

 DALLAS — After the joy of a wedding and the adoption of a baby came arguments that couldn't be resolved, leading Angelique Naylor to file for divorce. That left her fighting both the woman she married in Massachusetts and the state of Texas, which says a union granted in a state where same-sex marriage is legal can't be dissolved with a divorce in a state where it's not.

A judge in Austin granted the divorce, but Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott is appealing the decision. He also is appealing a divorce granted to a gay couple in Dallas, saying protecting the "traditional definition of marriage" means doing the same for divorce.

A state appeals court is scheduled to hear arguments in the Dallas case on Wednesday.

The Dallas men, who declined to be interviewed for this story and are known only as J.B. and H.B. in court filings, had an amicable separation, with no disputes on separation of property and no children involved, said attorney Peter Schulte, who represents J.B. The couple, who married in 2006 in Massachusetts and separated two years later, simply want an official divorce, Schulte said.

 (Read the full report)

Gay Couples, Straight Couples: What's the Difference?

In "Psychology Today", there's a useful comparison between the relationship dynamics of gay/ lesbian and heterosexual couples.  The key difference? On the positive side, the gays are more honest with each other: for example, by talking more frankly about their sexual interests, and their expectations about monogamy. On the negative side, gay couples - especially with men -  just don't stay together as long.  (The researchers don't mention it, but it could be of course, that the greater durability of heterosexual unions may have something to do with that little matter of marriage certificates, and even children.  It is still too early for long-term studies of legally married same - sex couples, but there is some early research which does suggest that formal marriage does indeed contribute to married couples staying together longer than cohabiting relationships - just like the straights.)

Here are some extracts from the article:

Queer IQ: The Gay Couple's Advantage

Most lesbians don't fear rapacious women and gay men need not always soft-peddle their sexual predilections. On balance, gays and lesbians understand their partners' bodies and biases with a certainty that many a clueless "breeder" yearns for. "Homosexuality could be viewed in some respects as the triumph of the individual's mating intelligence over the gonads' evolutionary interests," argues Geoffrey Miller.

The result is that gay relationships are less mired in deception and perhaps even less prone to friction, according to multiple studies.

"If two guys in a relationship are on the same wavelength, it's going to be very hard for them to deceive one another about their motives, their lusts, their philandering. Whereas between the sexes, each sex presents a socially acceptable form of masculinity or femininity that is reassuring to the other person but not particularly accurate," says Miller.

Gay and lesbian couples are not only more honest with one another, they are also more likely to exhibit affection and humor in negotiating relationship stressors, according to John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington. Gottman compared conflict discussions in gay and straight couples and found that "gays and lesbians talked explicitly about sex and monogamy. Those topics don't come up in 31 years of studying heterosexual couples, who are uptight in discussing sex. In their conversations, you really don't know what they're talking about."

-(Read the full report here) 

Queer Families' Challenge for Catholic Church.

Catholic Church Must Learn to Deal With Children of Gay Parents.

Last month, there was a brief flurry of outrage when a Boulder Catholic school, under pressure from the parish priest and the local bishop, told a couple of lesbian parents that their children were no longer welcome, and should look for another school elsewhere.  Like so many news stories, this one has died down, and for all the full, has been all but forgotten,except for those directly affected.  Meanwhile, an Arkansas judge this week ruled that a state ban on adoption which voters approved in November 2008 was invalid; a series of court rulings in Florida have approved three specific applications for adoption by gay parents, in spite of the state's constitutional ban; and in Argentina, the Lower House of parliament will soon be considering legislation to approve both gay marriage and gay adoption. What the stories from Boulder completely overlooked, is how very many children are already in Catholic schools.  That number is sure to rise, as increasing public acceptance around the world encourages more Catholic couples to declare their relationships openly, and as some of those in turn seek to adopt, or to retain custody of their own children. A good proportion of these, like any other Catholic couple, will seek to have their offspring  educated in Catholic schools.

Gay Parents, Gay Pride Paris 2007

This is not new.  One of the parents who were interviewed by National Catholic Reporter for their series on responses to the exclusion, says that she was herself raised by lesbian mothers, but was educated in a Catholic school without any problems being raised.  That was a generation ago. There are assuredly many more such children in Catholic schools today.

One lesbian mom's experience of acceptance by a Catholic school

In a long and thoughtful piece at dot Commonweal, one lesbian and deeply committed Catholic mother tells of her very different experience in enrolling her children.  There are many important features in this piece that I would like to dig into further, but for now I want to focus specifically on the question of her success in having her children accepted by a Catholic school.  In particular, I was struck by two parts of the response by the local priest when they went to see him, not about schooling, but just about attendance in church as a family: he asked them if they would be sending their sons to the Catholic school; and that he believed they already had other children with gay parents.

From Dot Commonweal:

We didn’t want that reality just sprung on him, a thoughtful and decent man who, we expected, might get an earful from a few parishioners in the ensuing days and weeks. We asked if our coming to church like that was OK with him. Our priest said he appreciated the heads-up. “Just come, just come,” he insisted, expressing considerable relief that we had nothing else to discuss (“When I saw your names in my appointment book, I was afraid you might be asking me to bless your union”). He then inquired as to the boys’ names and ages and, hearing that the eldest would be almost six, asked, “Will you send him here, then, for school?” My partner and I shot a glance at each other. We said we hadn’t figured that was a possibility. We’d been struggling with the school question a bit. Sending the kids to the village public school in the very rural district where we lived was out of the question. We wanted a more demanding education for them. Sending them to our parish school in the small city in which we worked was, we had thought, equally out of the question. The priest raised both eyebrows. “No, not out of the question. Not at all. Send them here. In fact, I don’t even think you’d be the first same-sex couple to do so.” We’d had no idea. He thought a bit, came up with the family’s name, and said he thought all three of the girls were still enrolled and doing fine.

(Read the full  dot Commonweal story)

Was this remarkable, or unusual? Probably not. With the increasing visibility of gay and lesbian couples, and with  improving legal and administrative procedures  for approving gay adoption and custody applications, there are today many thousands of children being raised by same sex parents, as couples or as single parents.  Those children will go to school just as any others, and it is entirely likely that a high proportion of schools will include on their rolls children from such families. There is no reason to suppose that Catholic schools are fundamentally different and entirely free of gay or lesbian parents (although the incidence may well be lower).

The Challenge:

Catholic teaching is clear that the Church has a fundamental responsibility to all children who have been baptized and so accepted into its fold, so it is entirely correct that these schools should be accepting these children, whatever Fr Bill in Boulder might believe. I suspect that this is issue of responding appropriately to queer existing queer families is going to be in increasingly important challenge to the Church,  as the number of openly gay and lesbian parents continue to grow, in the US and elsewhere around the world. The actions in Boulder got the news, but they were exceptional and in conflict with clear teaching on the responsibility of the Church to the child.  As an increasing number of children from queer families are accepted and educated in Catholic schools, so their friends and classmates will grow up knowing at first-hand the reality that diverse family patterns exist. Just as earlier generations of children knew and understood that some children had only one mom and no pop (or the other way around), so a new generation is learning that some kids have two moms. At the same time, kids are coming out themselves at ever earlier ages, and it is widely recognised that today's children do not have the same hangups about "homosexuality" that their parents did. Already, the majority of  US Catholics do not agree that homoerotic relationships are immoral. Young people educated in Catholic schools with friends who openly identify as queer, or whose parents do so, will be even less inclined to simply accept Church teaching.

Earlier posts:

Boulder School Exclusion: Other Parents' Reactions

Boulder Parents: "They told Us in School To Love Everyone"

Lesbian Parents, Boulder Catholic School (3)

Lesbian Mums, Catholic Schools: The Voice of Experience

Books:

Garner, Abigail: Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is

Newman, Leslea: Heather Has Two Mommies: 10th Anniversary Edition (Alyson Wonderland)